I run in the fast lane of life. I'm not a party girl, I'm a mother of three small children, one of whom has special needs. Here's my week, Monday: work, therapy for Seth, dinner, baths and bed for the kids. Tuesday: work, dinner and bed for the kids, begin weekly laundry. Wednesday: work, dinner, laundry, cleaning and bed for the kids. Thursday: work, therapy for Seth, dinner baths and bed for the kids. Friday: work, therapy for Seth dinner and bath for the kids and then bed. I'm exhausted just typing it. The weekends are chaos and then Monday comes and we do it all over again. In April we add another therapy for Seth when he begins horseback riding therapy again. Yes I live in the fast lane. Would I trade it? No way no how! I love my life. I may be exhausted tonight but my life is amazing. There are weeks when my best friend pops over and helps clean(she loves to clean) and do laundry and for those hours I am grateful. But today I just feel totally overwhelmed. Seth has been having a rough couple of days. He has gone for so long without a meltdown that these last few have been especially rough. I'll be flat out honest...Autism stinks! It's sad to see him so overwhelmed that he can't function and NOTHING I do soothes him. Nothing anyone does can soothe him, we just have to wait it out. It's hard, but once it passes he will cuddle with us and try to relax his body to calm down. I hate it! I wish he didn't have to deal with this ugly thing called Autism. I wish his brain worked just like the rest of us. I wish he had it in him to be social, to speak when spoken to, to answer questions, to be a "regular" child. I wish I could take it away. But I can't. While we have times where we see his progress, there are still far too many times when he is unreachable. I'm his Mother, I should be able to make it better. That is what Moms do, but Autism doesn't let Moms do that. Autism stinks!
Having said all that I will say this. I love my sweet little boy more than anything in the world. And while there are times that he is unreachable I know he is in there and I know that one day he will be reachable. God is faithful. God doesn't allow us more than we can bear. God is my strength in all things....and finally God is bigger than Autism!
Yes I run in the fast lane, and today I feel like I've been hit by a train,(that's a story for another blog) but I know that God is with me and He gives me strength to make it in the fast lane!
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