Tired

I'm tired today. I've hit a wall in dealing with Autism. More to the point, today I don't want to deal with it at all. I don't want to have to transport Seth to 4 therapies a week. I don't want to have to explain his behavior when we are in public and he melts down. I don't want to continue with potty training when it seems like a hopeless cause. I don't want to be the advocate, the educator and all that goes along with being a parent of a child with special needs. I want a normal life. Whatever normal is.

I have never thought of Seth having Autism as a disability. He can walk, run, and feed himself, and he can learn, he just does those things a different way. So for me Autism is not a disability, but just a different way my child has developed. But in reality it is a disability. It's hard to deal with and frustrating. We have days when we see progress in every area, and then the next day....Nothing. We don't even go back to square one...we go back to minus square 10. And we start all over again. We do the same things we've done and repeat and repeat and repeat. Would I change Seth if I could? I don't know. For the moments in time when he wants to cuddle and when he gives kisses and when he says things out of the blue, we know they are real and heart felt.

So for tonight, I go to bed and get some rest and in the morning I wake up and start over. I become the Mom of a child with Autism. I become the advocate, the educator, the transporter to 4 different therapies a week, and we continue potty training, knowing that one day all the pieces of the puzzle will fall together and it will be worth it all!