Keeping Score

If I were keeping score I would say today that Autism got a point today, but we got two points. So for today we are ahead! I'll take it a day at a time. So allow me to elaborate. Seth's tanturms are getting worse and more frequent. The good news is he does know he is wrong. So after they are done he does feel remorse. That's a huge leap forward. We went to the family doc today and got some help. On Friday Seth will start Speech Therapy. Now let me tell you the amazing part...most places that offter Speech Therapy have long waiting lists, but we were able to get an appointment to begin on FRIDAY! Praise the Lord for that!

Tomorrow he has another thearpy session here at home and hopefully we are going to work on behavior plans for when he does have a tantrum.

There is a plan. But beyond the plan of the therapists, and doctors and anyone else involved with Seth God has a plan. Autism doesn't scare Him...so I'm working to not let it scare me.

I've decided to start keeping track of "Sethisms." Those quirky little things that pop out of his brain when we least expect it. Today's Sethism....at lunch we were in line waiting to order and Seth kept looking into Mack's ear. (One thing to know about Seth is he is facinated with holes, he wants to know where they go...any hole...he needs to know. So we were in line and Seth was looking in Mack's ear and I told him to stop and leave Mack alone. Without blinking Seth looked at me and said "but I am the doctor." There ya go. Welcome to the autistic brain. There is logic there, too bad we don't know what it is!

Ok, one more Sethism. Yesterday I was getting drinks ready after lunch. Emma Claire does not like water but she loves H2O. I know it's a game but she drinks the water. So I handed her a sippy cup and said to her "here's your H2O Emma Claire" and Seth looked at me and just started giggling, looked at me from the corner of his eye and said "H2O" and giggled more. Seth knows our game! He knows that H2O is water and that we are fooling Emma Claire! I guess it's good for us that Seth likes water!

So it's been a long day, and today we won. Tomorrow, well only God knows, but in the end I know the ultimate winner....I've read the back of the Book!

I am NOT crazy!

So today was "solve the Autism issue Day". While we didn't solve autism or cure it we sure did get a ton of great info and we were pointed in a better direction today. THANK YOU EASTERSEALS CROSSROADS! God placed a woman in my path today that I so needed to meet. She has a son who is autistic and two other children who are not. She has walked in my shoes! She knows what I am dealing with and what our family is dealing with. I am not crazy. My thinking about Seth's brain is not off. He gets it..he gets all of it. He just can't always get it all back out. His tantrums are not bad behavior but frustration that we don't live in his world and follow his rules. I was able to talk with her for about 45 minutes and she gave me great insite and great advice! It was fabulous. She left me with her office number and told me to contact her anytime with questions or concerns of even if I just needed to vent! It's amazing!

After leaving Easterseals, we traveled to Greenfield. We were able to get Seth on the waiting list at Edelwiss Equine Therapy Center. Hopefully he will be able to get involved with them in July and really start making some progress.

After that trip we were able to get some books that had been recommended and then headed home. The kids were amazing! They were well behaved and patient and made this all day venture easy to do! I praise God for the day and that we were able to learn so much and hopefully get Seth on the right path.

I haven't felt this settled since Seth was diagnosed. I'm glad we had such a great day. I only wish I had a tape recorder when she told me I'm not crazy...I know some of you need proof!

Tantrums, Sunday and a Breakthrough

So it's been awhile since I've posted but there has been a lot going on! I'll just say this. Autism is not for the weak or faint of heart! I'm beinning to see that I can no longer be weak and faint of heart if I'm going to be an awesome advocate and a great mom for Seth.

It's Sunday and we woke up late. We had exactly 60 minutes to get ready, eat breakfast and get in the van to head to church. A time cruch and Autism don't always go together. Breakfast went well, the kids got dressed and we were doing well, then it was time to put on Seth's shoes. Apparently there is an order to putting on his shoes. It's not an order that I know, but in Seth's mind I was doing it wrong. Now Seth can't tell me his special order, but he sure can let me know when I've done it wrong. So the shoes got on in the wrong order and the tantrum broke loose. He was screaming, crying and biting and hitting and kicking. I was dodging feet, arms, and teeth, all the while trying to remember that he really doesn't understand. I showed him his pictures to help him remember that we don't hit, or kick or bite...that only made it worse. He knows the rules. In his mind I'm the one that broke the rules by putting his shoes on wrong. So for the next 15 minutes we battled. I kept telling him to calm down, that I loved him and that I wasn't giving up and he battled. Then finally...it was done. Whew we made it through another one. We always stop after tantrums and make Seth tell us he's sorry. We know that mostly he is repeating what we say, but we've always known one day he will get it. TODAY was that day! After the tantrum and the hitting etc...he stopped, wiped his tears and hugged me and said "Sorry for hitting Mommy." Oh words that melt my heart! HE GETS IT! He knows it's wrong to hit. We made progress. We've had a breakthough! Then off to church. All went well until he started flipping light switches. I removed him from the situation and once again full battle mode. It was a good 20 minutes of tantrum. But once again he does understand. I keep telling him I'm not giving up I know there's a boy behind the tantrums and he hears me and somewhere in his brain he knows his Mommy and Daddy are going to move heaven and earth to get him what he needs so he can become all God has created him to be. My son has Autism...but we will not let Autism win!

A time to remember...

So here we are nine years later and it's just as awful now as it was then. Today is the nineth anniversary of my sister's death. So I'm taking some time to remember. It doesn't even seem real even nine years later...thought I know it is real. I miss her so much. Life was always crazy and in an uproar a lot when Gretchen was alive, but she was still my sister. I remember while planning my wedding how badly she wanted to sing "Friends" by Michael W. Smith. I kept telling her that wasn't a wedding song...she didn't care. And for the record...she didn't sing! I remember when we were kids and we got home from school and "cooked." We would put all kinds of stuff together just to see what it tasted like, and if it was really awful and ruined the pan we would just hide it outside in the big huge evergreen bush in the backyard. I remember going to Las Vegas a couple of months before I got married. We stayed in high style and had a great time. I remember our last trip together to San Diego. Spending a few days being together and having a great time like sisters do. I didn't know it then..but she was saying goodbye. I remember that phone call at 11:38 pm on June 1, 2000...the call that told me Gretchen had died. My world shattered, my life changed, and it will never be the same. We go on with life and we live it to the fullest...but we don't forget.

I miss you Gretchen Anne. There's so much you've missed and I hate that you're gone. I love you Sissy, and I'll never forget!